It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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