I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
