Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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