Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
