what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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