Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
