Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
