thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
