you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This baby is an asshole
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
