Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
