ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
