thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
