So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
