i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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