I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
