beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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