I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
