So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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