my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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