brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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