i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Too much gin, very little bucket
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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