i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
