Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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