we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I enjoy the company of your penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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