i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
