yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
