I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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