i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
