they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
