He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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