i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
