So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found puke in my bra..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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