mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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