my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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