He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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