I can text with my tongue
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
