you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
