A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
