Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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