Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
