Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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