im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
