You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
