Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
