TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
