I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
