So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
