I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
