Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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