I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
