He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
