Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
